On Death

As the Philosopher once said, “Death is a tasty cookie.”

It has been argued by some that he meant the transition to what could be described as unlife was a pleasant one, while others believe he simply enjoyed killing people. What I think he was actually getting at, however, is that death is an audience attractor. Just like offering free cookies at some not-so-enticing place of business, such as a laundromat or prison.

Anyway, this practice of advertising through mortality rates is somewhat annoying. For example, how often have you heard that you need to “Tune in to the Season Finale!” because they promise the death of a main character? Is that the only useful marketing tool they can think of now? Why not something less morbid, like “Watch next week as Susan contacts a long-lost friend!” Or even “Don’t miss the next episode, where Herbert discovers a herd of cows… in his attic!” These family-friendly plot twists are much better solutions to the basic problem of audience retention, don’t you agree?

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Jezebel may fall to her death in the next couple of pages. Don’t miss an episode!


  1. Josiah

    Just as elf cookies are quite revolting, so can a death be of poor taste. Haldir’s for example.

  2. Nathan

    Haldir’s cookies or his death?

  3. Josiah

    Do elves make cookies?

  4. Nathan

    Well, you were just talking about elf cookies… one would assume that they are somewhat related to elf waybread, but possibly contain chocolate chips.

  5. Josiah

    Oh, well, in that case, both.

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